“You must do the things you think you cannot do.” –Eleanor Roosevelt
I am no Eleanor Roosevelt. The above image proves this. However, I believe that since leaving my parents’ house at 18, I have felt compelled to attack what scares me with relentless fervor. In looking back, I can see that this devil-may-care attitude actually opposed Mrs. Roosevelt’s ideology; I believe that rebellion motivated me, not the desire to catapult myself into the wonderment of serving the planet with fearless commitment.
Today, I sit before a first draft of my first detailed ESL lesson plan, with a paragraph of fine feedback from my professor. A cup of French roast still warm within reach, and the comfort of the San Diego sun streaming through the glass doors of the laundry room/sometimes office of the place we’ve called home since July 2015. Glad not to be on the east coast this winter, and even more relieved to be within a 15-minute drive to my elderly mother, now in near constant pain. When all I want to do is put on my walkers and head to the beach, or get in the car and go sit with my somewhat immobile mother while she recovers from a recent fall, when what I really want to do is get back in bed with headphones in place and watch last Sunday’s Downtown Abbey, what I will do instead is seek to welcome the feelings of unrest, uncertainty, fear … so much fear and uncertainty. I tell myself: stop the nonsense, girl!
So for now, I will quit the procrastination of words, and carry on. As I envision future students perhaps in fear themselves gazing at me with questions in their eyes, I do this for them. And hope that the spirit of Mrs. Roosevelt is smiling down upon me, nudging me to do this current thing I think I cannot do.